We use lists in most aspects of lives, so why not in relationships? Before going to the grocery store we make a list to remind us of the things we need. When looking for a car, we have a list of essential features we want. When we hire a new employee, we have a list of qualifications for job success.
I made a comment on Facebook regarding my list of qualities for my potential mate. My comment generated a lot of conversation and interest in seeing my complete list, so here it goes…
Single, not involved in a relationship or marriage
Has previously been in a long term relationship
0-3 children
If never married, only has one child
Children by no more than two women
Married no more than twice
Homeowner
Reliable transportation
Good credit rating
Financially stable (401K, savings, and investments)
Manages money well
Provides financial security
Responsible
Christian with active church affiliation
Understands God’s purpose in his life
Involved in his community/volunteers
Close relationship with his family, particularly with his mother and sister
Good relationship with his father
If he has children, he is a devoted father with an active presence in their lives
Man of character and integrity
No criminal record
African American
Age 35-50
Minimum height 5’10”
Muscluar build with weight proportionate to height
Well groomed
Good sense of style
Good health
Non smoker
Extremely manly
Enjoys all aspects of art and culture
Outgoing and energetic
Active social life
Sense of humor
Confident
Protective
Humble
Down to earth
Loving
Giving
Affectionate
Romantic
Attentive
Compassionate
Caring
Emotionally available
Strong - mentally, emotionally, morally
Intelligent
Articulate
Educated (4 year degree or higher)
Worldly, knowledgeable
Senior management/Corporate professional or Entrepreneur
Stable career
Hard working
Mechanially inclined
I made a comment on Facebook regarding my list of qualities for my potential mate. My comment generated a lot of conversation and interest in seeing my complete list, so here it goes…
Single, not involved in a relationship or marriage
Has previously been in a long term relationship
0-3 children
If never married, only has one child
Children by no more than two women
Married no more than twice
Homeowner
Reliable transportation
Good credit rating
Financially stable (401K, savings, and investments)
Manages money well
Provides financial security
Responsible
Christian with active church affiliation
Understands God’s purpose in his life
Involved in his community/volunteers
Close relationship with his family, particularly with his mother and sister
Good relationship with his father
If he has children, he is a devoted father with an active presence in their lives
Man of character and integrity
No criminal record
African American
Age 35-50
Minimum height 5’10”
Muscluar build with weight proportionate to height
Well groomed
Good sense of style
Good health
Non smoker
Extremely manly
Enjoys all aspects of art and culture
Outgoing and energetic
Active social life
Sense of humor
Confident
Protective
Humble
Down to earth
Loving
Giving
Affectionate
Romantic
Attentive
Compassionate
Caring
Emotionally available
Strong - mentally, emotionally, morally
Intelligent
Articulate
Educated (4 year degree or higher)
Worldly, knowledgeable
Senior management/Corporate professional or Entrepreneur
Stable career
Hard working
Mechanially inclined
Alpha male (NOT SPEAKING OF THE FRATERNITY)
Seeking a committed relationship that will lead to marriage
Old fashioned values
Capable of being the CEO of my life
Believes the man is the head of household
Displays leadership qualities
He understands my “love language” and speaks it fluently (From Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages")
9 comments:
Ok, I've gotta mess with you on this one! :-)
This is your list of requirements for a mate?
Now I see why you're not married!!! LOL
Sonya, that's a good list of positive qualities, but as a list of requirements, GOOD LUCK!
Here's one of my favorites, "Enjoys all aspects of art and culture". Enjoys ALL aspects? I think you were just on a roll there! :-)
Actually, I was thinking of trying to talk to you sometime, but I fall short of your list in several ways! Shoot, I think everybody I know falls short of your list in one way or another!
But I'm in good company. Even Jesus Christ falls short of your list of requirements, in several ways!!!
Seriously, Jesus wouldn't come near to the height requirements (remember, people were a lot shorter back then). He probably wasn't well groomed according to modern standards, to say nothing about modern style. He was knowledgeable about the world, but was definitely not worldly. He even had a criminal record!
So, if the Messiah isn't good enough to be your man, I don't feel too bad that I didn't make the cut either! LOL
My list is a mirror of who I am. I would not ask a man to be something I'm not, or do something I wouldn't do. I am everything on that list.
I have met several men who have all the items on my list …and more. The issue then becomes timing, personality, chemistry etc.
Believe it or not when I was in my 30s the list was much more stringent and I believe it was a barrier to me finding a mate. I like this new and improved list …so stay tuned for wedding details – (SMILE)!!
I actually love you list....
Only thing I would add....
"He understands your language of Love" (Gary Chapman)
GOD is able....HE wants us to have our needs and wants met.
Thanks for the feedback. I have and have read the "Love Languages" book! I will add your suggestion to my list!
I love your list! Stay positive. I know a guy who meets almost all the requirements on that list; I am not so sure about his emotional availability because I am so crazy about him.
I have pared my list down since I am a not as up to par as I would like to be myself: Black, Single, Speak, Read, Job (and I am flexible on everything but Single)
Thanks Leigh! This is the year I will meet my husband! I'm claiming it and God will make it so. At the risk of being single a little longer, I'm sticking to my list.
Ah, the infamous list. I'm cool with your list. Why? Most men don't measure up to it, but I do so that means less competition for me. What kind of responses have you gotten to this blog post? Sonya, marry me and throw the list away. What about that?
I knew I was taking a big risk by publishing “the list”, but it may turn out to be a good thing. I’ve received a surprising number of emails, and the opinions have been mixed. A couple guys have said they thought about asking me out, but they don’t think they measure up to the list. One person said he is everything on my list and left his number. Another person says she wants me to meet one of her single colleagues. And of course, I’ve heard the comment, “I see why you’re still single”...can’t win ‘em all!
Concerning your proposal …If this post is from who I think …present the ring and let’s seal the deal! LOL!!
My original list started out as three page document, which even I thought was extreme. I carefully evaluated each quality on the list and removed a few. But now the list is growing again because every time I met a man, (whether the encounter is good or bad) he inspires me to add something to the list. Soon it will be three pages again! I met a man recently who (unintentionally I’m sure) reminded me that I am an Alpha female, so I definitely need an Alpha male. I men another man who was very much a “manly man” and I truly admired that quality and discovered it was not on my list…it is now!
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