I met a man nearly two years ago. When we met he made it very clear he was interested in a relationship. I, on the other hand, made it very clear (or so I thought) that I was only interested in friendship. A few months later he again expressed his desire for a relationship, but seemed okay with simply being my friend. We have seen each other occasionally in group settings (never alone), but suddenly he’s calling more, inviting me to his house and inviting himself to my house. Each time I have nicely declined. Yesterday he called and offered to get me something I need from his company …free of charge. He then said, “You know this means I’m going to have to come to your house or you’re going to have to come to my house so you can get it”. WOW, I didn’t see that coming. He’s willing to steal from his job, just to get some alone time with me? I thought I had been really clear about my feelings (or lack of feelings) for this man…until I read the following article.
Whoops!...Ways You’re Leading Him on and Don’t Even Know It
As much as men say they can’t read women and we’re so hard to understand, I often find myself feeling the same way about them. Case in point: a really nice guy who I just met, a new friend of my family, and probably twice my age, asked for my number. And while some might be flattered, I have no interest in this guy like that whatsoever. He’s damn near my uncle’s age and well…like I said, I have no interest in the guy like that. Ever since that incident, I’ve literally been ducking and dodging him, as the things he says to me and ways he gazes at me (since he’s around a lot now) gives me the hee-bee jebees.
Thinking back on it after revealing the exchange I had with the would-be (but won’t be) suitor to my sister, she let me know that some of my own actions may have caused him to believe we had a “thang” going on; even if it was a “thang” I wasn’t in on. Although I was initially confused at her remarks, the more I thought about it, she had a point. I inadvertently led him on with behavior that may have just come off as being polite to me, but looked like flirting to him!
I’m not the first person who has had someone crushing on them on accident and wasn’t flattered by it. Though it might have a great deal to do with the fact that you’re just a hottie, it also might have to do with the following behavior you could be exhibiting:
Being a Little TOO Nice
(*Hangs head in shame*) This is all me. And while I’m not talking about some freaky stuff with the “TOO,” after I met my uninvited crush I would offer hugs rather than hand shakes or the distant “hey” (but I’m like that with most people!). I guess I did this so much so that came to expect them. Not only that, when he would come around and be standing alone, I would chat him up for a while and make a little song out of his very creative name for giggles (because I do random things like that). It’s pretty clear he took that as a possibility that we could move out of the very brief friend zone. Wrong.
Showing Some Sort of Favoritism in Subtle Ways
If you’ve given guy this guy some sort of weird pet name at any time, talk to him more than others when you should be rotating around the room, or frequent his crib/spot, even when you weren’t invited, you’re proably giving off weird signals. If he feels special, he might assume his growing feelings are shared by you. If they’re not? OUCH.
Talking to Him About Your Relationship Issues
I knew a lot of females like this in college. In fact, they were the female friends of my ex-boyfriend (*gags*). I’m pretty sure that it’s a ploy for attention when their own relationship is on the rocks, but chicks who lean on men that seem to hang on their words are asking for ’ol boy to be on them like white on rice, even if you really were just looking to him for good advice. When it comes to most relationship issues between you and your ACTUAL man, keep that in-house.
Touchy Feely Much?
This includes my example of random hugs, arm locking, a lot of arm grabbing and squeezing, back rubbing, leaning on and the likes. That almost comes off as some high school-ish cuddle buddy behavior, and you know the minute he touches you inapporpriately you’ll definitely be regretting those random way-too-friendly moments.
Letting Him Buy You Things
Are you on a date? If not, then do yourself a favor and don’t let him be the only one buying you drinks everytime you go out with friends, using his retail discount on you, nor letting him buy you even small but thoughtful gifts. Why? Because chances are he’s not just being hellas of generous, but is instead trying to invest in what he hopes will be his future boo–even if he didn’t tell you all this.
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